STUDENTS BRAINWASHED BY OBAMA'S SPEECH

President Obama’s speech to students, coinciding with the first day of school, lacked the partisan rhetoric many feared in the volatile political climate. Instead, the president focused on encouraging students to work hard and make a positive contribution to society. After the speech, concerned parents expressed reassurance that the president had left politics out of the talk.

But then the students returned to school the next day.

The first sign things were wrong manifested when an entire class, during the Pledge of Allegiance, proclaimed that America was “One nation, under Obama.”

Later, during a kindergarten lesson on sharing, a student echoed his approval of the lesson by shouting: “Spread the wealth around!”

That afternoon, in a middle school in California, a sixth grader burst out: “The public option is NOT a single payer system”. Later that day, upon seeing a picture of John McCain during a lesson on the 2008 Presidential election, the students in unison yelled out “McBush!” and “We don’t want four more years of the last eight years!”

The most egregious example, though, came from an elementary school in Massachusetts, where children at an assembly broke out into the following song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kTBq_ybkBmI&feature=related“It’s like the Village of the Damned,” a frustrated high school math teacher grumbled. “All they do is yell ‘Yes we can!’”

Administrators and parents, racing to find the source of the brainwashing from the president’s superficially innocuous speech, discovered that when the speech was played backwards, demonic hidden messages were audible.

“If you reverse the speech at the ten minute mark,” School Superintendent Barbara Levine announced, “You can make out a rant that sounds like ‘the US of the KKK!’ Earlier, at the four minute mark, you can hear the words ‘Nah! Nah! Nah! Not God bless America, but God ---- America!”

Many students have even begun to show signs of addiction since the speech on Tuesday. When required to do homework in computer lab, the students instead did hits of Obama’s speeches on Youtube. Though most professors find Obama’s speeches harmless, many fear that it could serve as a gateway speech to harder speeches from Nancy Pelosi or Barney Frank.

“I miss the good old days when students were just sexting,” Professor Craig Beasley moaned.