THE RACIST CARD

Former President Jimmy Carter is just the latest in a slew of politicians calling opponents of the policies of President Obama racist. Earlier in the week, columnist Maureen Dowd claimed that Rep. Joe Wilson’s comment “You lie!” had an unspoken racist word at the end of it -- “boy!”, while celebrity Janeane Garafolo, Cuban Prime Minister Fidel Castro, and Rep. Diane Watson also called those who opposed the President’s policies racist.

And they were all left befuddled when, in what was supposed to be an off-the-record remark, the president stated: “Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe a more free market approach to health care is the best way to go.”

“Technically, what the president is doing is disagreeing with himself,” Political Analyst Jasmine Reynolds explained. “And since disagreeing with the president has been deemed racist, the president himself is, by default, racist.”

“The President is not a racist,” Racial historian J.P. Blenworth responded. “All it means is that the tables are turned. The Republicans now cease to be racist, while the democrats have become the party of hate.”

Others vehemently disagree with calling the president racist. “The president is black; he technically cannot be racist,” Obama Campaign manager U.G. Weathers said. “By definition, he’s an Uncle Tom.”

Others, though, point out that the President is half white. “His white half is racist against his black half. Technically, he’s half racist,” Ms. Reynolds clarified.

The president’s comments have led to riots in Los Angeles to a degree unseen since the Rodney King beating.

“We know someone’s a racist!” rioter Desmond Lewis yelled as he threw a Molatov Cocktail at a Korean convenience store.

Experts agree that the only solution to ease the racial tensions is another beer summit. No one, though, is quite sure who should participate in this summit.