The Truth About Health Care

Insiders in the White House have disclosed that health care reform is nothing more than a red herring for the Obama administration.

“Public option, health care mandate, coverage for illegals, death panels -- the president doesn’t give a rip,” one informant, who asked to remain anonymous, told us while sitting in his Chief of Staff’s office. “The president is just trying to distract America for the greatest threat to our liberty in this country.”

Is the threat the recession? Is it the recently leaked report about the conditions in Afghanistan? Is it the threat of a trade war with China? Is it the president's policies?

No.

The greatest threat facing America is Obama’s graying hair.

President Obama, who won the 2008 election largely on his charisma, fears that any notice of his graying hair will lead to a dramatic reduction in his pole numbers.

“Barack noticed how President Bush’s approval ratings plummeted the grayer his hair got, and he vowed not to suffer the same fate,” another anonymous informant replied while helping her daughters Sasha and Malia with their homework.

The president also had the example of Joe Biden, whose hair plugs were a constant butt of jokes during the 2008 election season.

“Biden’s hair plugs cost the Democrats 1,000,000 votes in November.”

The president originally took action to distract the public the moment he saw these articles appear about it on the internet:

http://news.aol.com/main/obama-presidency/article/obama-gray-hair-showing/371134
http://www.livescience.com/health/090305-obama-gray-hair.html
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/chi-talk_hairdec23,0,800543.story

For the time being, ObamaCare has sidetracked the public from the President’s grays. The next step for the President is to dye his hair black again. Such a radical reversal in hair color will be much more jarring than the original graying, and will demand an even greater distraction than angry town halls and Tea Parties.

So what will that distraction be?

“Nothing distracts from dyed hair quite like Iranian nuke sites!” An anonymous informant responded from the Vice President’s office.