(From March 2nd) Even though UCLA Geography Professor Thomas Gillespie pinpointed Bin Laden's location two weeks ago, the terrorist mastermind continues to remain at large.
Using a technique which normally locates endangered species, Gillespie announced that Bin Laden was hiding out in the town of Parachinar, in the Kurram province of Packistan's Federally Administered Tribal Areas.
"More specifically, he was at the Starbucks at the corner of East and Vine, drinking a chai tea latte while superpoking a friend on facebook," the professor added.
Nevertheless, when special forces troops invaded the Starbucks fifteen minutes after the announcement, Bin Laden was nowhere to be found. Making things worse, Bin Laden had deleted his profile on facebook after the company revealed that it had a perpetual license to use anything posted on a Facebook page — even if the account was terminated.
"This makes things so much harder for us," a special forces operative complained. "His status updates would often tell us his next location!"
The new White House administration places the capture of Bin Laden as one of its highest priorities. "Around the White House, we call it 'Osama vs. Obama'" Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton announced. "George Bush got Saddam Hussein, so President Obama believes he must get Bin Laden."
The government is not at a complete loss when it comes to locating Bin Laden. Analysts at the CIA believe that the reason special forces troops are having so much trouble discovering Bin Laden is because he travels in a disguise.
The FBI's crime unit has given a sketch as to Bin Laden's probable disguise. You can see this picture at the link below.http://www.vegalleries.com/misccels/43wal.jpg
In other news, Al Gore has accused today's Northeastern snowstorm as a Republican trick to discredit global warming.
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