The Secret History of President Obama

(From March 7) The truth about Barack Obama's past finally came to light on Friday, leaving many Americans stunned.

It is no surpirse that during the presidential campaign, the media was so enamored by Senator Obama that they made no effort to uncover any potential sordid details of his past. Now those details have surfaced, and it is doubtful that our new President will be able to recover.

The truth was discovered during a press conference on the economy. A reporter questioned the President about the impact of his economic policies on the continued decline on the Dow Jones. At a peak of 14,000 in 2007, the stock market has fallen to around 6,700 on Friday, earning it the nickname the 'Down Jones'.

In response to the insinuation that his economic policies were responsible for the decline in the stock market, the President began with the words: "Did I do that?"

Though the words seem innocuous, the President spoke them not with his normal, mellifluent voice, but instead in a high-pitched nasal tone. The press were left speechless for over a minute, until one shell-shocked reporter finally commented: "You sound like Steve Urkel."

Urkel, the nerdy 90’s cultural icon from the hit t.v. show “Family Matters”, had “Did I do that?” as his trademark phrase, spoken in the same, high-pitched nasal tone as the president used during his press conference.

Hours after the conference ended, the press had confirmed that President Obama did, in fact, play Steve Urkel during the sitcom’s television run. The President’s approval ratings immediately plummeted, as confidence in his handling of the economy went to single digits.

“I don’t want Steve Urkel handling social security!” George Franklin, a retired auto worker, announced.

Senator McCain, Obama’s challenger in the 2008 presidential election, admitted he had been

aware of the President’s sordid past. “We did not want to play dirty politics,” McCain responded.

“I'm fine with his relationship with domestic terrorist Bill Ayers, corrupt Governor Blagoyovich, and racist pastor Jeremiah Wright,” one Obama voter admitted, “But this… This is NOT the hope and change for which I voted!”

Impeachment charges are planned to be brought against the president first thing Monday morning.