Scare Tactics Used to Pass the Stimulus Bill

(From February 7) President Obama recently warned that if the $900 billion stimulus bill didn't pass, we might end up in an irreversible recession. Meanwhile, house speaker Nancy Pelosi stressed the urgency of passing the $900 billion stimulus, since '500 million Americans were losing their jobs each month.'

Former President George 'W' Bush, who is currently in the witness protection program, was quoted as saying Pelosi was using 'fuzzy math'. He then responded that the democrats were trying to scare people into voting for the stimulus.

Is this true? Are the democrats trying to scare us into voting for the stimulus? We at the Politically Incorrect Party decided to investigate, and found several shocking examples of fear tactics being used on the American people. For example:

--Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid warned a Los Angeles crowd that if the stimulus bill did not pass, they could expect worse riots than during the Rodney King beating.

--Later that day, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton announced that passing the stimulus bill was the only way our country could avoid nuclear annihilation.

In fact, the rhetoric is getting increasingly more terrifying as the Senate approaches a vote.

--Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner cautioned a crowd of Trekkies at a convention in Roswell, New Mexico, that martians will attack and destroy our planet if we don't pass this stimulus bill.

"We're already at war in Iraq and Afganistan," Geithner announced. "We don't have the resources to fight a third front."

The crowd, though, was not impressed, saying Geithner should have used the more politically correct term 'extra terrestrial' rather than 'martian'.

"Martians are specifically from Mars," one Spock-eared nerd announced. "It's the equivalent of calling all Hispanics 'Mexican'".

--Al Gore did an episode of Mr. Roger's Neighborhood where he told the children, “There are some things about our world that you know that older people don’t know.” He then threatened that if the stimulus bill did not pass, the kids would, in fact, go down the drain. He then announced that the monsters in their closet would get them, and that Santa Claus’s North Pole toy factory would be wiped out from global warming.

--Finally, Joe Biden gave a speech at a DC church on Sunday about the need for separation of church and state. At the end, though, he brought up the stimulus bill, threatening: "Mark my words: if America does not pass this stimulus bill, within the first six months of President Obama's administration, there will be a great earthquake. The sun will turn black like sackcloth made of goat hair, the moon will turn blood red, and the stars in the sky will fall to earth. The sky will recede like a scroll, and every mountain and island will be removed from its place!"

Instead of being frightened, though, the congregants were impressed to learn that sackcloth made from goat hair was, in fact, black.

"Don't you understand!" Joe Biden cried. "If this bill does not pass, the abomination of desolation will arise against Jerusalem!"

“The Obama-nation of desolation?” One congregant responded.

“Argh!” Joe Biden cried, pulling out his hair plugs in frustration.

Republicans have responded by using scare tactics as well, saying that the bill will put Americans $900 billion dollars more into debt. They have also dubbed the bill ‘Spendzilla’, and have warned that the stimulus is just one more step down the road to socialism.

President Obama met earlier today with top Republican leaders, where he addressed their concerns.

“Comrades, Mother America will never go down the road of socialism.” He then took off his right shoe, pounded it on his desk, and cried out: “We will bury you!!”