President Obama Dresses in Drag for Bailout Money

(From April 3rd) LONDON -- As President Obama seeks to rally support for investing in US treasury bonds at the G-20 conference this week, the world leaders are responding with some unusual demands.

“With the passage of the 2010 budget in Congress with a deficit of between 1 and 2 trillion dollars, the only way these expenses can be met is by having foreign countries bail us out,” economist Peter Kramer explained. “But in this current global economic crisis, and with near universal skepticism over America’s ability to pay back its debt, these world leaders have placed stringent demands on the President for the bailout money.”


Japan has chosen to cash in on the President’s worldwide popularity by forcing him to be a spokesman for ‘Vaam’ energy drink. Not only must the president be seen holding a bottle of the caffeine, taurine, and nicotine saturated drink in all public appearances, but the Presidential limo and Air Force One have been re-detailed to have the ‘Vaam’ bottle advertised on it.


The President is also required to promote the energy drink at all press conferences. His first plug came during a speech at the G-20.


“As President of the United States, I will work tirelessly to lead America out of this economic crisis.” Then, taking a step forward and looking directly into the camera, the president continued: “But how can I work tirelessly, some may ask? I can do it because I drink ‘Vaam’ energy drink.” The president then opened a bottle of ‘Vaam’ and began chugging it as Geishas, Sumo Wrestlers, and Samurai performed choreographed dance moves as they sang the ‘Vaam’ theme song.


OPEC leaders, on the other hand, have demanded that President Obama perform increasingly embarrassing pranks as his payment for their bailout money.


“At first they demanded small things, such as allowing Joe Biden to give public speeches and demanding the President ridicule the Special Olympics on the David Letterman show,” White House press secretary Robert Gibbs announced. “But in recent days, their demands have become increasingly outlandish.”


OPEC leaders, for example, ordered President Obama to dress as a woman for the entirety of Wednesday’s G-20 summit.


“This almost led to universal humiliation for the President with the world press,” Gibbs continued.


The President avoided detection that day by putting on a pink dress and going as his wife, while Michelle Obama shaved her head, put on a black suit, and went as the president. “No one noticed the difference,” Gibbs explained.


The OPEC leaders, furious that President Obama outsmarted them, retaliated by ordering President Obama to streak through Buckingham Palace.


After the Secret Service cleared Buckingham Palace of all press and photographers, President Obama frolicked through the palace in stag to the theme music from the Austin Powers movies.


“The Queen, unaware of the OPEC dare, interpreted the event as the President atoning for his lame ipod gift.”


The Chinese, as the largest foreign holder of US debt, have been the least forgiving in bailing out President Obama’s deficits. Besides Taiwan, the Chinese have demanded:


--That President Obama work for $1 a year until he gets the economy out of the red.
--That any bonuses paid to government employees be taxed at 100%.
--That a salary cap of $40,000 be placed on all members of the three branches of government.


THIS JUST IN:


The Chinese, outraged by the trillion dollar deficit in the 2010 budget, have fired President Obama and demanded Congress rewrite it or they will let the US government go bankrupt.