The real reason behind President Obama’s eagerness to pass the stimulus bill has been revealed, and it goes back to the Bush administration’s response to 9/11.
“Immediately after 9/11, everyone in government had to deal with the attacks from a psychological perspective,” a DC insider disclosed. “President Bush dealt with it from a decidedly--how to put this delicately--Freudian perspective.”
Bush saw the twin towers as gigantic phallic symbols, and interpreted their destruction as an attack on American masculinity.
“The rest of his presidency was devoted to reasserting the virility of America,” a source within the White House admitted.
In the White House gym locker room, for example, the president would brag about his most recent conquests. “He was always talking about Iraq and Afghanistan,” a former Secret Service Agent revealed of these post-workout discussions.
The capstone of this enterprise, insiders say, was his bailout package. “Bush bailed out the finance industry to the tune of $700 billion dollars because he wanted to be known as the president with the largest package.”
With the incoming Obama administration, President Bush was merciless. During the inauguration, Bush ridiculed Obama’s lack of governmental experience.
“The day after Obama won his Senate seat, he immediately began his presidential run,” a former Bush staff member confided. “At the time he won the presidency, Obama had accomplished nothing in government. Bush mercilessly ridiculed the president-elect for this, calling him ‘the 47 year old Virgin’.”
President Obama, angered, decided to start his administration off with a bang.
“The bombing of Pakistan by President Obama was nothing more than an effort by the president to validate his manhood.” Instead of impressing the former president, Bush responded by saying Obama’s attack seemed to end a little prematurely, unlike his conquests which have lasted five and seven years, respectively.
At that point, President Obama decided to focus on the economy. He needed to prove his package was bigger than Bush’s package.
“It should not come as a surprise that President Obama decided to call this bill a ‘stimulus package’,” a White House insider disclosed. “And if it passes at 800 billion dollars, it will prove to be significantly larger than the former President’s package.”
Much of this thinking can be seen in the president’s speech from a recent town hall meeting about the economy. “President Bush’s package has proved to be impotent. We’ve seen nothing but deflation from this package. But my package will definitely stimulate the economy, and the result will be plenty of inflation.” At this point, the president exchanged high-fives with Vice President Biden, returned to the microphone, and yelled: “WHO’S YOUR DADDY?!”
Former President Bush, who left office with approval ratings in the negative, is believed to have gone into hiding along the Afghan/Pakistan border, and so could not be reached to respond to President Obama’s speech. Those closest to him have speculated he would have responded by saying that George Herbert Walker Bush, the 41st president of the United States, was his daddy.
Former President Clinton did respond to our inquiry though, with this written response: “This comes as no surprise. Everyone knows that a black man will have a larger package than a white man.” He then continued: “My administration took a different approach to this ‘package’ issue, as anyone who has read the Starr report knows.”
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