White male Supreme Court Justices react to Sotomayor

(From May 31) Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor, President Obama’s pick to replace David Souter, has faced harsh criticism from Republicans for her 2001 comment: “I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experiences, would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn’t lived that life.”

One group whose opinion has been ignored is that of the six white male Justices whom she will be joining on the Supreme Court. But insiders tell us the Justices have not been silent, and they are fuming.

“It’s a good thing I’m retiring,” Justice David Souter sarcastically replied, “since her rich Latina experiences are so much more proficient for these cases than my deficient white male experiences.”

A law clerk for David Souter admitted to the press that the Justice is considering withdrawing his retirement just to spite Sotomayor.

Chief Justice John Roberts has been equally sarcastic. “I can see how she might think a Latina woman is more competent at interpreting the Constitution, a document written by white males, than a white male would be. I might also add that Latina women are better at interpreting the Torah than Jewish men.”

Justice Samuel Alito, meanwhile, added: “It must be because we don’t have her rich female Latina experiences that we don’t understand, like she does, that the states aren’t obligated to protect 2nd Amendment rights.”

Clarence Thomas, the token African American on the court, was not nearly as harsh. “Note that she specified it was only a WHITE male, and not a black male, to whom a Latina woman was superior.” Justice Thomas then turned to one of his law clerks and bumped fists with him.

Ruth Bader Ginsberg, currently the only woman on the Supreme Court, was not as pleased with Sotomayor’s comments. “Why did she have to specify a LATINA woman? Why couldn’t she just say a woman in general? What does that make me? The dumbest person on the Supreme Court?”

In response to the criticisms of her future white male colleagues, Sotomayor has replied: “It is unfortunate that these Justices are misinterpreting my statement and taking it out of its original context. But what more can you expect from white males and the poverty of their experiences?”