Economists Fail Obama on Economy

(From March 12) President Barack Obama and Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner received failing grades for their handling of the economy, according to forty-nine economists participating in a recent Wall Street Journal survey.

The economists gave President Obama an average grade of an 'F' at 59%, with forty-two of the forty-nine economists giving him a failing grade.

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President Obama responded by complaining that he was given no time to study for the test. "Economists can't just pop quiz a president like this," Obama grumbled. "I could have easily passed this test by cramming with an all-nighter."

He went on to defend his grade, stating: "I wasn't given the benefit of a curve, there was no multiple choice or true/false questions, and they offered no extra credit. I should at least have a 'C'."

Economists gave several reasons for the president's failing grade: first, his appointment of all tax cheats into his cabinet positions, including his treasury secretary, Tim Geithner; second, his placing Americans into trillions of dollars of debt in a mere fifty days of entering his administration; third, his confiscation of money from those who are productive and responsible to bail out those who are unproductive and irresponsible."

Barack Obama responded to all these accusations in a letter addressed to the Wall Street Journal. "First, by hiring tax cheats, I have an administration knowledgeable of the loopholes tax cheats will try to exploit. Government tax revenues will skyrocket. Second, as far as placing Americans trillions of dollars into debt, I agree that this was wrong-- it was nowhere near a big enough stimulus. But rest assured that Congress is rectifying this with a two trillion dollar summer stimulus for democratic interest groups. And third, as far as confiscating money, what these economists fail to realize is that by taking from the productive and responsible businesses, I'm encouraging them to be more productive and responsible to make up the difference. And the unproductive businesses get nationalized, allowing the benevolent oversight of Congress to steer these corporations into prosperity."

Nevertheless, insiders in the administration said the president remained disturbed by his failing grade. That could explain the president's actions later that afternoon, when he bailed himself out by taking twenty points out of President Reagan’s 92% economic grade, leaving Reagan with a 72% to President Obama's 79%.

"We must spread the grades around," President Obama explained about his bailout this evening.

THIS JUST IN:

Students on academic probation at Penn State have petitioned the president to give them a bailout on their grades, just as the president bailed himself out on his economic grade.

"We live in a culture where the gap between smart and dumb keeps widening," Three year College freshman and frat party organizer Matt Kenning announced. "The smart get smarter and the dumb get dumber."

Summa Cum Laude recipient Linda Mackintosh vehimently disagreed. "We cannot subsidize stupidity. What motivation will the intelligent have to study if the president takes from their grades and gives to the dumb? And what motivation will the dumb have to study if they can make passing grades by taking from the smart?"

"Every student has a right to a passing grade," President Obama announced. "Therefore, we will pass a windfall GPA tax. Every student who makes above a 3.0 on their GPA will have that top 1.0 redistributed to the dumb."

In a speech today, John Edwards pointed to the gap in grades as another example of his 'two Americas' campaign theme. After the speech, he was reminded that he had committed adultery while his wife's cancer was in remission, and he went back into hiding.