White House Faces Forclosure

(From February 26) The housing market took another hit this week, leaving the White House itself teetering on the brink of foreclosure.

The White House is notorious for house flipping, a practice that has proven to be one of the major culprits in the mortgage crisis. In 1988 it flipped from owner Ronald Reagan to George Bush, then in 1992 it flipped to Bill Clinton, then in 2000 George W. Bush, and finally in 2008 it flipped to Barack Obama.

Though five flips in the last twenty years is considerable, mortgage analysts say it ignores the fact that the White House is flipped every four years--sometimes returning to the same owner--thus totaling seven flips in 20 years.

“Every four years a huge campaign is waged to purchase the White House that gets more expensive every year,” Political Analyst Deborah Hanson explained. “In 2008 we saw Senator Obama outbid rival John McCain $930 million dollars to $81 million for the property.”

The money spent, though, is merely to buy the presidency. It does not buy residency at the White House, which must be mortgaged over thirty years. When President Obama took the White House in January, he got it with no down payment and an adjustable teaser rate of near 0%. His plan was to flip the White House in eight years at a profit when the teaser rate expired.

“That’s when the DC market really nose-dived,” an insider admitted. “The White House lost forty percent of its value, and the president is looking to take a massive financial hit.”

For his part, President Obama is seeking to recoup his loss by passing a $75 billion bailout to those facing foreclosure.

“When the president says ‘those facing foreclosure’,” Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid disclosed, “he’s talking about himself exclusively.”

In case the above plan doesn’t work, President Obama is also seeking to pass enormous spending bills that put the American people trillions into debt. “The president hopes that the Chinese will cease to purchase our debt, forcing the Fed to increase the money supply. With this inflation, which the president hopes will outdo the hyperinflation of the Weimar Republic, the value of the White House will go well above its purchased price.”